8/23/24

After five months of not updating, I decided to come back to this and actually get myself to get on with writing and being creative rather than just pushing it off as an unimportant project. I dislike the idea of writing about my day everyday and emotions even more so, however is it helpful every once in a while to come back to and just fully reflect on myself for that day. I went back and read all my entries and found them just ot be normal and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, like how I thought which is what ended up demotivating me from writing. Instead I might just add a small snippet per day and whenever I feel like I need to write here I will. These dated entried will be more important and more reflectful on myself rather than a simple how was my work, how was school, or just day. Anyways I have decided to change my major and fully commit to it, I will be working towards a Criminal Justice degree and use the Bachelors to become a CSI or somewhere with forensics. I actually want to go into college for biology at first but found it difficult to find a subject or just occupation that used it that wasn't a doctor or nurse. However forensics seems a lot more interesting and less stress inducing (from saving people). Rather I hope I'm not romanticizing it too much thinking about it similar to a sense of puzzles or problem solving for the job. I might have to research it more just to have more of an idea but for now that will be my degree. I also like this major a lot more just because of the opportunities it opens up; such as a CSI, detective, or even a lawyer. Law school honestly might be my long term goal after I am more settled and want a small change of pace. Moving on, my feelings have been a bit confusing recently. I'll avoid overcomplicating it and explaining it here but I have been feeling quite conflicted around some stuff in life and I'm not quite sure how I want to move forward just yet. Realistically I think I will take a passive approach for this and ride the wave if you will, but for now it's something that I have brewing in the back on my head whenever it gets a bit too quiet. The last aspect I wish to talk about will be driving. I do not like driving very much at all, that being said it's alright. I want it to be more interactive and keep me more engaged as a driver and I want to enjoy driving a bit more. So far progress has been going well, with the hardest part of manual being the leg work honestly haha, but I find myself being scared of giving it more gas and just barely not stalling the engine. I think that comes with experience however and with time comes experience so I don't think I have too much to worry about. This concludes my current important things I want to write about here and will be the first of these new entries that I want to focus upon instead. I will go back to writing poems and avoid having a time limit on them and just giving myself the freedom of whenever I feel creative I will use that creativity productively instead of just being like ehh maybe I'll write something.

3/21/24

I have decided that while it is nice to write an entry every day, it's something I struggle with some days. This is mainly because my day was just boring as hell and nothing important or impactful happened that I feel like needs to written down. Instead I will update around every 3 days unless something happens that I want to put down in words in order to maintain the idea or just ponder about it. Back to the journal, this week has been slow and really not much going on. The dinner I was going to have was moved to this Friday, if everything goes to plan, and I bought Dragon's Dogma 2 to play. Work has been alright and nothing crazy has happened. Don't get me wrong I could come up with some stuff that happened but it would be scraping the barrel if I'm being honest. I'm working on getting my license at this point for sure, and as a 21 year old it's kinda embarassing to not have it now, but it is what it is. Day in the life of the Barista will stay as empty for the time being because I really don't like the idea of it currently and I think it oculd be improved upon in different ways that I'm still working on rough drafts for. I want it to be something that could be a completed project and not just something I come up with for the hell of it. To put very roughly and mainly just concept wise I want it to be similar to The Cafe and Diner but rather more "slice of lifey" and funny rather than the SCP/scary/supernatural theme from the Cafe and Diner. I do like the concept of it, especially with the passwords but I'm not sure if I'll be able to a. figure out how to do that one here and b. have the time to do that while trying to come up with stories as well. Either way I want it to be something I enjoy doing with more effort than just whipping it out like these journals.

3/17/24

It's been a few days, mainly because I have been kinda busy with school and work for the past few days and by the time I had free time I didn't feel like working on the website honestly. Bad work ethic but it is what it is. Besides that, I have been doing well and nothing crazy has happened in the past few days anyways. I was recently thinking and thought that Ithink I am generally nicer since I started working at a coffee shop, before I would have not enjoyed striking up a random conversation with someone just out and about but now I don't think it would be that bad. It's still not something I go out of my way to do but I think that's ok and it's good progress in my opinion. I don't think I'll turn out to be an extroverted person or just socialable in general but I think I am a lot better than I was 6 months ago. I keep getting the nagging thought of putting myself out that and asking someone out for a date, not someone in particular, but then I think about it and I'm pretty cool by myself and I don't know if I want a relationship. I think that comes down to my commitment issues but I also just don't need a relationship anyways. Anyways I will restart the life of a barista tomorrow possibly because it's my day off but I'm really not sure what direction I want to take it just yet, whether it be fantasy with my experience or exagerrated experiences.

3/13/24

Skipped yesterday because nothing cool or eventful happened between activities and thoughts. Today I went to the dentist and bought myself a new pair of headphones. I felt like treating myself because I've noticed I spend a lot on two things in particular: gifts and food. So I decided fuck it I should at least gift myself something and I did, it was mroe than I would have thought I would spend (250) but it's just a newer version and wireless version of the ones I have now so I don't regret it. Outside of that I'm still struggling to find my aspiration or goal for myself career wise. I wish I was just a Sim and had this stuff predetermined from the "beginning" but alas I don't want to be controlled by some Sim god either so it is what it is, the curse of free will. I will end up just getting my Bachelors just to have a degree but after than I'm just lost. If anyone has advice I would love to have it, though I could ask my parents but they haven't been much help in that area though. Either way I'm really just content with existing in general, I don't want some extravagent job or need a lot of money, I would honestly just be happy to be content, If I could jsut live without too many worries then honestly I would be fine with it, though the way the world seems to be going doesn't seem too likely. Not to get political but man the zoning issue really needs to be resolved hopefully soon but it's unlikely. This would just be nice for people to just be able to afford homes again but it's a difficult thing to just hope for and one day it happens, so I'll do my part by voting and whatnot. End of the day I'm alright where I am currently but I do need to start thinking about my future.

Also I decided I do not like the Day in the Life of a barista as it is currently, so I will instead rewrite it and make people different fantasy races/species to spice things up. I don't want to use fantasy race streotypes to replace normal people so most likely I'll just use them to make it comical or something along those lines. For now it's going to be a WIP and rewritten when I have time.

3/11/24

Had closing shift on my own today, and man was it slow as hell. I made about 25 drinks overall probably and just had a lot of time practicing latte art over and over. It also just gave me a lot of time to just hang out and just think to myself while doing menial tasks. I think I would like to become a writer or author in the future but I lack the ability to path it out on how I will accomplish that currently, which is what I'm currently working on. I also want to interact with more people on a friendly basis rather than just giving people drinks for their orders, I find it kinda difficult currently mainly because I can't find the time during work. This would have to come down more so to free time going out and just talking to people, which is fine and I will work on that. However that being said if you are reading this and want to be "pen pals" in some way feel free to reach out. I would like to talk to more people overall and I have included my socials on the home page.

3/10/24

I ended up skipping yesterday because of daylight savings and had to get up early the next day for work. Nothing crazy yesterday, worked with my boss and he taught me a more "advanced" techniques in steaming milk. Today on the other hand was pretty busy. It was weird though, we were consistently slammed like I maybe had 10-15 minutes out of my shift to just breathe and not have an order but it really wasn't overwhelming. Maybe it's half of me being used to it by now or maybe it just wasn't that bad. I will say; anyone who orders only food from a coffee shop, just why, it's not liek anything we make is difficult or hard to acquire outside of maybe truffle salt but still. Also just like anyone who orders more than 5 things off a food delivery app, like yea I get the convenience and it's not the customers fault but like theres 3 of us and we're still only humans. I don't get mad at any customers but sometimes it's more of a frustrated because at the end of a shift I'm just exhausted. Outside of work though, I've been feeling pretty good and just doing the stuff I've been doing. There's still things I need to get done and want to get done but I'm in no direct time limit and I'm trying not to stress myself on things I can't necessarily control.

3/8/24

Man worked was kinda ass today, I won't deny it. It was a long busy day that left me with no breaks and having to stay an extra hour unfortunately. That being said I am complaining to just vent about it, I enjoy my job for the most part but man sometimes it's a lot. Outside of standing up and making drinks for the shift, it can be kinda draining just interacting with so many people. For the most part the people are pretty cool and understanding but every once in a while you get the more mean people, or just straight up dumb people, and today was one of those days. Besides that there was a pretty girl who did come in today, I really wanted to compliment her hair and honestly maybe see where it went from there but my lack of confidence brought me shame once again. I didn't make a fool out of myself, when I originally planned to tell her we ran out of cup sleeves so it was just bad timing. That being said I had another oppourtunity when she came back in for a pastry but I legitimately froze up thinking about what to say. It's weird because I haven't frozen up for a while and for the most part I don't struggle with talking when needed but man it was something. I didn't freeze while talking to her it was more of a break between taking her order and getting the pastry, so no awkwardness, but I'm more just disappointed in myself. Maybe I thought she was really pretty and hopefully I'll get to see her again but either way her red hair was very nice looking, if by some off chance you get to read this I'll leave you with this: You have really pretty hair and it compliments you really well S***a! (her name).

3/7/24

Last night I had pretty bad sleep, luckily I work at a coffee shop so I ended up getting a cold brew latte during my shift. During the night though, I ended up waking up feeling really sad and just in a odd way scared. It was a weird feeling because I had no reason to be sad or scared of anything and I don't remember having a bad dream or anything. It did do one thing however, it put into perspective on my priorities and how I should be spending my time better. After the passing of my dog, I wasn't sure how I would react to other important family members passing because it's a hard situation to imagine. That being said I'm feeling more aware that I would be devastated by losing other family members, but I'm more conflicted on if that's right to be sad. I mean this in the way that I don't think they would want me to be sad but at the same time it's important to be sad. Realistically it's a tought subject and I doubt there is a right or wrong answer and instead just a lot of gray area depending on the person. Outside of that, I started my side project of a "fake" journal for the barista life. I'm thinking of exagerrating pieces just to make it more entertaining, because honestly I can't just talk about work for a paragraph without it being boring. Either way I want it to be a more fun read with a hidden piece intertwined with each entry. I don't think this will be a daily / each shift thing because of this aspect but I will incorporate real life experiences into it.

3/6/24

Outside of working on homework and more or less hanging around with family, I looked into books that I will end up reading in the near future. I wanted to focus upon the general genre of supernatural fiction, mainly because I find the subject fun and fiction is a nice way to just immerse yourself in. Some of the titles I will read are: No Gods, No Monsters, The Luminous Dead, and Mary. I'll probably start in that order depending on the length of each one. I was also debating on treating myself and getting a pair Airpod Pros because my last pair had a constant static sound in the left one. However that's a fair amount of money and I really don't need it honestly, so I'll probably just end up saving my money. Besides that, a friend just turned 21 so tomorrow night I'll be out at KBBQ for him. I'm not a big drinker or smoker in general so turning 21 was not a big deal really, I get that it's a vice to cope and I don't find myself being straight edge, but it's just not for me. I hope that in the future I can stay this way because from all the people I do know who smoke and/or drink they all end up saying not to start. Regardless I'll end up having a shot of soju or a single drink at most tomorrow for his 21st but that's about it.

3/5/24

Today I found new motivation towards Tekken that I can see apply to other aspects in life. I think this is a silly way to think but it kinda works. Instead of seeing immediate improvement, it'll instead be small improvement over time that I can see after a while. I was able t osee this after fighting a friend on Tekken that I haven't played against in a while and he told me that I did in fact improve a fair amount from the last time I played against him. I wonder how many times this has occured that I just never brought attention to and would skills I've plateaued due to not working upon anymore. Realistically at some point every skill you don't work on everyday would decrease in "exp" but I wonder how much of each skill just comes down more to muscle memory. Regardless I'm grateful to have a new aspect of improving myself to look upon, as I was getting stuck behind the lack of immediate results which isn't as realistic. I hope the same can apply to my writing at some point through this website more emotionally available or emotionally intelligence.

3/4/24

I ended up skipping yesterday mainly because I had nothing to talk about, I worked and got home late because closing shift. Outside of that not much really happened, talked to my coworker, did some homework, and got home and played For the King. Today I'll probably end up playing Tekken and trying to learn more today, but that's really it. I have a lot of ideas of stuff I would like to work on but I just lack the motiviation currently, especially the day after working, and just want to chill. If anything later on in the day I'll start formatting my new section on here and might make a new first screen to seperate a professional and personal side for writing. That's more of a future goal in order to make articles and other pieces in order to use as a portfolio though.

3/2/24

Nothing happened today, didn't have to work so outside of assignments I just grinded out Tekken. Honestly probably the most of Tekken I played at once, also were ranked matches, and wow I am not great at the game. It's somewhat discouraging losing a whole bunch in Tekken because I don't really know what I've improved upon since I started today but my friend told me it's the muscle memory and seeing new characters that I've gained rather than just custom matches. That being said I still feel confused on what to improve on even watching Tekken guide videos, but I also tihnk practice makes perfect so it's better to just continue playing. Outside of that, I did my first full week of workouts in about a month. Luckily did not lose too much muscle because I would every once in a while hit some of the groups but still. I going to have to make some sort of sacrifice of staying up late honestly just so I can do more stuff before closing shift if I have it. That being said having midshifts is so much better because there's just more time through the day.

3/1/24

Worked today, was a nice shift because it wasn't too busy or too slow. However during work, I got to I would say actually talk to my coworker in a sense more than acquantices. She's actually a pretty cool person and gave me a few good ideas about writing. The first of which was to create a "Life as a Barista" in which I just talk about my work that day and the hidden drama between people. I might end up doing that because it would be kinda funny (albiet with fake names for people). I don't think there's anything legally wrong with talking about the drama but I'll keep most of it vague. Besides that I'll just continue on with this, Besides that for my day, nothing crazy happened but there was a point where my mom thought something "touched her" in the sense of a hand touching her shoulder and not actually being there. I'm a fan of the paranormal / supernatural but I really haven't experienced anything. I think the world would be a lot more interesting if it was real but I cannot say a definitive yes or no. I plan on hopefully soon gettign a tattoo now because I've been saving up my money, it'll probably be a minecraft pufferfish somewhere on my arm just because pufferfish are cool and funny minecraft.

2/29/24

It's finally a leap year and it's the infamous feburary 29th. Much of a repeat like yesterday, I haven't done too much outside of just relaxing and schoolwork. Another workout and just going to bed earlier for work tomorrow. As much as I would love to only have to work a few days a week it really does not net much money, and that money matters a bit too much to pass up. Though I was text by my boss to go to work because someone called out 15 minutes before shift, I really jus tfelt disrespected and did not want to work at 6:30 because someone called out. It might be just me, but that just feels wrong to ask someone to come in so late notice but it wasn't my problem at the end of the day. It's mixed feelings for that though because I feel like it reflects my work ethic but at the same time I value my own time as well so I'm not sure if I was in the right or wrong. Regardless I don't work mornings and haven't since starting at the coffee shop so who knows. It is what it is, I'll work my shifts and not half ass my work and I feel like I'm doing as good as everyone else.

2/28/24

I was debating on whether or not to just skip today due to a pretty lackluster day and just write one tomorrow but at the same time it's not a challenge or difficult task to just write for a little. Either way today was a very chill day in the sense where I really had no responsibilities I had to get to, no work and no errands. I really just woke up late, played some Tekken 8, and worked out. I think creating this as a habit is a good goal to have for the immediate future, then being able to over time write something substanial or at least work on it everyday. Currently I have a theme for a story whether it be a poem or story but haven't had the full grasp of what I want from it. It's also more depressing than I would like, as the main idea is that it's ok to not achieve your dreams. I want to one day be able to have a book similar to Shel Silverstein's Where the Sidewalk Ends in the sense of many poems in a collection. It's a big goal and dream but I would like to be able to say I've done it and have the proof of my hard work. Besides that I really don't have a clue what I want to do for a career, I have a lot of ideas of what would be cool but I feel intiminated by trying to start a lot of them, like being a streamer or journalist. I really just have no idea where to start and if I would even be "good" or "lucky" enough to become successful. I think it would be smarter to start as a hobby and see where it goes but as of currently I'm struggling to adopt that mindset. However with little steps you can make a journey, so I'll continue making little steps for myself to look back on in the future.

2/27/24

Today was pretty good, I worked but it was a nice shift and a very nice change of pace because I had a mid shift for the first time in about a month. Man closing for nearly a month for every shift really does something to a mfer. It was pretty slow today but still kepy busy making coffees and cleaning and whatnot. Focusing more on the site, I decided that I should stop looking at the view counters/page views and instead just make this for fun and continue it for myself (same goes for guestbook). I think it's better for my idea for the site to do so because I started this project for a place to just post my writing, not to get famous or get the most views. I gotta respect the top sites though, they look pretty good but man I have no idea how they set up their site at all. I look at theirs and just am amazed by the difference in their code lmao. At some point I would like to give this place a make over once I understand everything better, but for now I'm happy with what I got.

2/26/24

As of working on this site for the past few days, I feel more inclined to continue working and adding stuff daily. I would say this is a nice change of pace to do something and be able to see my progress over time. Regardless, today I don't work which is nice and am planning to start Rainworld. After completing Yakuza: Like A Dragon Infinite Wealth, it left my kinda disappointed from the story (though the story in Yakuza games are crazy and not too in depth anyways) mainly due to the lack of emotion I felt during it. Either way it's another game I've completed on the list. Going back to my progress on this site, I feel like I have more of an understanding that I can see what the code actually does rather than going through examples and not having a clue what they do. To finish for this day's entry, I just want to say I will continue updating at least this section daily but I would like to do a poem or short story frequently as well.
Future plans for this site would be to include a guest counter on the main site, create a subdivision for the site in order to also have more professional pieces as well (articles or reviews).